From Hello, Sweetheart. Published by Enfield & Wizenty in 2014.

Possible ratings: ★★★★★
Dr. Calvin Chestnut, Family Physician, Yarmouth, N.S.

★ My first visit with Dr. Chestnut was not a good experience. First off, you are given a Stare Down before you say anything. Went for a 2nd visit and it got weirder. When I started to explain my symptoms, the doctor, who reeked of something, shouted “NEXT, DUDE, NEXT!” I will NOT be going back.

★★★★ Dr Chestnut was my physician for almost five years and he saw me through three bouts of back surgery. I am a former SAR tech who performed hoist rescue operations at sea. Yes, he is abrupt and not everyone likes him. But maybe he does not like you, did you ever think of that? I’m glad he is the way he is. He stared me down the first time I went there, just sizing me up. I just stared back—sizing him up—and we have clicked ever since then. “You’re a warrior, dude,” he told me. “A fucked up crippled warrior.”

★ The waiting room was filled with junkies. During my visit, the doctor almost fell asleep. He sent me for some tests, but lost the results. I find it hard to believe that this man was once an Olympic cyclist.

★★★★★ I’m writing this on behalf of a LARGE group of patients who ADORED Dr Chestnut. First, for you whiners who complain about him being late Dr Chestnut has medical issues of his own (as a result of being run down by a car while he was on his bicycle!!), but he still goes in to see his patients and he’s entitled to take breaks! Secondly, his “rude” comments some of you find offensive—it’s called a sense of humor! Some of you should get one. There was a HUGE petition that we took up for him to stay here in New Brunswick and we still hope to get him back. And as for him smoking weed during breaks, he has a medical prescription!!

★ Can someone explain to me how you are kicked out of one province and allowed to practise in another?

★ If I could give zero stars for my rating, I would. I went to this doctor with an ear infection, and he told me my ears were too large for my head. “Has anyone ever called you Dumbo?” he asked, followed by a crazy stare. The waiting room looked like a scene from Hobo with a Shotgun.

★★★★ The more I read these ratings, the more disgusted I become. I am not looking for a “date,” I’m looking for a good doctor. If I want candy coating, I go to a candy shop. If I want medical treatment, I go to Dr. Chestnut.

★★★ I went to this doctor suffering from post-partum depression. He told me to make a list of the three people in the world I hated most, and then place fake obituaries for them in the weekly newspaper. “It may cost you fifty bucks, but it will be worth it. Have them all die horrible deaths.” I did place the obituaries, and the cost was actually $69 plus tax. I included a photograph of my former mother-in-law, and that cost an extra $5. My insomnia went away, and I started going to an aqua aerobics class. I have Dr. Chestnut to thank.

★★★ I took my mother to see Dr. Chestnut for symptoms for a hiatus hernia, and he said, “Well, you are a profoundly fat woman who probably eats clams and chips and hot dogs. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.” My mother gave up hot dogs and she has been able to breathe and swallow much better.

★ During the 5 mins I spent in his waiting room I watched three patients walk in and walk out with prescriptions. Just slightly suspicious. I mentioned this to my Pharmacist who had nothing good to say about this man. Dr. Chestnut spent 10 minutes filling out a routine blood collection form and it is totally botched with X’s and squiggles and checks. His office was skeezy, he was drinking Coke and coffee simultaneously at 9am. He was wearing a ballcap that said Free Lance.

★★★★ I have been to see Dr. Chestnut now five times and have found him to be grate. As for the comments about personality, what are you concerned with the man’s charisma or his intellagence? I would chose the later.

★ I am very upset about this doctor. Someone needs to check on why he left Saint John as I have heard, from sources inside the medical community, that he lost his rights to practise in NB. Some mention of substance abuse (oxy and vicodin)/patient complaints...etc. although legally this is all rumour.

★★★★ Very good doctor. Yes, he is abrupt, but personally I am OK with that because he does not sugar coat anything. If you want sugar, go to a sugar store.

★ I had this doctor when he was in Saint John and I reported him to the College of Physicians & Surgeons.

★★★★ I am tired of these people criticizing Dr Chestnut. For your information, he does NOT smoke weed when he is seeing patients unless he is in EXTREME PAIN. He speaks perfect English. He tries his best to clear the waiting room of junkies, and he does not type on his computer during your visit, which is more than I can say for my last doctor who was money crazy. Dr. Sour Face would only hear one problem per visit, which allowed her to collect more money for more visits. My mother is in renal failure because of this!! My husband went to Dr. Sour Face for stitches after he sliced his hand. While being stitched he passed out cold. When he come to he was experiencing heart attack symptoms which he told the doctor about. The Dr. asked him to leave. She just kept saying “Get out! Get out! I need this room!” presumably for the next scheduled appointment. My husband staggered out of her office and was told that he would have to go into the outer waiting area. After 10-15 minutes he was able to leave. At no time did this Dr. or her staff (specifically Darlene) offer assistance to someone in obvious distress. With the help of kindly Superstore staff across the street—in particular, the produce manager, Chad Hennebury—he was able to get a vehicle to take him to the hospital where he was rushed in for what turned out to be a heart attack. By the way, Dr. Chestnut won a medal at the Olympics. How many of you can say that?

★ I just learned that this doctor has been suspended in NS. No reason given.

★★★★ Not only is Dr. Chestnut a great doctor, but he is also a wise man who will overcome this latest setback. I went to Dr. Chestnut, and I told him that I was not happy. And Dr. Chestnut told me that that was not necessarily a bad thing. He said: “I see happy people all the time, and they are going to classic rock concerts and sushi dinners; they are driving vintage sports cars and posing for photos in Cuba. And they are—by all appearances—wonderfully, enviably happy. And some of them have abandoned wives and broken kids. And ailing parents they have bilked for money. And some of them have never done a kind thing for anyone in their life, but there they are—they will tell you—happy. They don’t deserve to be happy, but they are too stupid to know it. Look at us—buying arugula at the market in our running gear. Look how happy we are. If they weren’t so stupid, they would be miserable.” I hope that all of the busybodies, who complained about Dr. Chestnut, are happy now. ps: He will be back.