Voyage to the Bottom of the Out

My name is Bar, like the stool

          I like to wear comfy underwear with holes

                   My assets:  I have a distinctive voice,
                   I memorized the periodic table
                   except when I forget parts of it

                           I like when people sit around
                           and say the worst thing they ever did

I was named after
Doris Day, and I am sure
no one gives a hoot

           I like to make jokes out of things

                 This pub opened up just a few years back:
                 You’d think it wouldn’t have had enough time
                 to become properly haunted

                      Never eat in an establishment
                      where the kitchen smells like sidewalk sauce

My name’s Judy, and someone said,
“Judy’s a beauty,” cause it kinda rhymes
but I’m not falling for it

          My finger:  Put some peanut butter on it

                 I like songs where the singer goes totally nuts at the end

                      I like the way she says, “I’ve been waiting”

I’d like to cross my
fingers for you but I have
arthritis, both hands