Common Sense About Smoking

Comments (24)

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I think that the first

I think that the first paragraph is very discriptive, but I was not feeling your story the way that you probably intended. It was very dry and it was hard to hold my attention.
Great job and keep working on your writing!

Kailene more than 5 years ago

Great job. The first few

Great job. The first few lines made think it was from the '40's or '50's. Maybe because of the postcard image. But I soon realized this is timeless really, because coming of age happens to us all, ready or not. I am a heterosexual female and I think I'd have tried to kiss teddy too.

Anonymous more than 6 years ago

I associated smoking

I associated smoking homosexual desires, and when the protagonist calls it something he aches for but is not entirely sure is allowed.
it was quite powerful when he simply describe the raw splendour that is teddy versus saying "teddy was my ideal man", this keeps it subtle to read and allows for twists in the end. By his description style also allows the reader to step into his shoes, and follow teddy with their eyes, taste teddy's breakfast and warm saliva on their lips.
A very organic flow, dramatic tension build up when the protagonist yearned to proclaim his love so fiercely

and the open ended sorrow he was left with when teddy informed him he would be one of the boys chasing girls on the farm. because he was no longer a "smoker"

Anonymous more than 6 years ago

Great job! I really enjoyed

Great job! I really enjoyed this.

Piya more than 6 years ago

Maybe it's the language

Maybe it's the language barrier that keeps me from enjoying this story.

Cooper Thompson more than 6 years ago

This is excellent writing, a

This is excellent writing, a story whose sparse language allows us to see the core, while offering a full portrait of the two characters. What a great story and storytelling: hard to do in such a short piece.

Sharon more than 6 years ago

The fact that this short gem

The fact that this short gem of fiction has garnered such commentary is a testament to its value and sound reasoning for winning the competition. That it has elicited polarized opinions further credits the work for connecting to all audiences, whether positive or negative.

Robert more than 6 years ago

A lovely story. Just

A lovely story. Just melancholy enough. Congratulations.

meaghan more than 6 years ago

Tasty indeed.

Tasty indeed.

islander more than 6 years ago

Oh how quickly we rearrange

Oh how quickly we rearrange our ideals

KUh more than 6 years ago

More twists & turns than a

More twists & turns than a Florida turnpike - well done!

marcus more than 6 years ago

You nailed it! Clean to the

You nailed it! Clean to the bone.

Anonymous more than 6 years ago

Now that's a good story!

Now that's a good story!

Leah Rae 1979 more than 6 years ago

concise sensuous leaves Teddy

concise sensuous leaves Teddy a bit of business in the mind of the reader very very fine

Joan more than 6 years ago

sad, sensual, edgy , and

sad, sensual, edgy , and poignant = very good

Frankie more than 6 years ago

Well done; great drama and

Well done; great drama and sense of expectation.

Linda Givelas more than 6 years ago

sweet story, eric.

sweet story, eric. appreciate the way you've covered lots of territory in s short story. and leave space for thinking after it's over. great ending, or continuing.

Lynn more than 6 years ago

hey hersh!

hey hersh!

Anonymous more than 6 years ago

It's scary how our actions

It's scary how our actions affect others. Lovely story!

sharonedge more than 6 years ago

So much sadness, I almost

So much sadness, I almost cried.

Anonymous more than 6 years ago

Oh my god I love it!

Oh my god I love it!

Pebbles more than 6 years ago

It was very well done and I

It was very well done and I enjoyed the description.

Indiana Jones more than 6 years ago

Captured a great moment, love

Captured a great moment, love the tasting bits, the eggs, viceral

Cathy more than 6 years ago

Really captured so much in so

Really captured so much in so few words, admirable 'slice of life' vignette. lol but never stop reading Stephen King!

Laurie more than 6 years ago

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