Poetry

Occam's Depilatory

FORD PIER

From a 7" single by the band Strength of Materials on the Kingfisher Bluez label. Ford Pier is a musician who has played on his own and with his bands, the Vengeance Trio and Strength of Materials, as well as with Veda Hille, the Rheostatics, DOA, Neko Case and many others. He lives in Vancouver.

Who gives a fuck about an Oxford comma?

I do.

Things aren’t better than the things that they replace just because they’re new

Our standards are our standards because they’re deeply felt

     and we owe it to our standards that they should be upheld

Or what’s the point in having standards for?

These fellas went to work on me

     on changes they would like to see but I remained unmoved

Things aren’t an improvement just because they’ve been improved

Dude said, “Check it out, this shit’ll get you loaded

     faster than the fastball of Ryan exploded!”

But I don’t get that wasted anymore

It doesn’t hold the appeal that it did before

Oblivion taught me everything it can

Well, anyway, it tried

     but I was usually too preoccupied

Making a friend or formulating a plan

     and some of them were good, and some of them were fun

Every day I come up with at least one great idea,

     though telling you so wasn’t necessarily one

So now I’ve got a Facebook page

Like every other twat my age

And I’m complicit in what I once despised

And by that, I feel victimized

And I hear the Smashing Pumpkins might

     bury the hatchet, reunite

Is that why our grandfathers went to war?

Who gives a fuck about a split infinitive?

I most certainly do.

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